I just wrote these words down on a piece of paper with a bunch of scratched out plans and ideas.
And for the first time in a long time, I got excited. Deeply excited.
It’s been two and a half years since I’ve been without an occupation. It’s a terrifying predicament to find oneself in. I was informed at the end of the day on a Friday (just like in the movies!) that they were eliminating my position due to budgetary reasons. I wanted to cry, but there’s something about loading an M&M’s dispenser and a miniature rocket launcher into a box that removes seriousness from a situation. But the question I had asked myself only minutes earlier of, “what am I doing this weekend,” was instantly replaced with,
“what am I going to do now?”
I was quick to get my financials and budget in order. I have little problem in simplifying. I updated my resume and sent it out to a couple of promising leads. However, as the safety raft stabilized and the ship sank in the distance, a liberating feeling came over me.
I can go anywhere.
But after that thought, I instinctively started paddling in the direction I came. Looking for the kind of work I’ve been doing for two years. There’s a certain reality that hits and I tend to pendulum between fantastical possibilities and dire, worst-case scenarios. Doing anything you want is a nice thought, but no one really has that freedom. Find a job, money, insurance, a safe harbor… Or you’ll die.
Anyway. I’m here at a Starbucks, where I go to to tell people I’m working on job things and just end up reading or doodling. I was particularly frozen, mentally (see my previous post), and I scratched a list down on the paper in front of me. It read:
Social, Travel, Festivals, Running.
A book I recently read rephrased the question, “what makes you happy,” as , “what gets you excited?” I had, as if under a trance, written down four things that excite me more than anything.
So, here’s my message in a bottle. I don’t know that I can pursue these passions and survive. But I’ve heard that people do stuff like this and it works out sometimes. I’m going to go ahead and do that. And If you want to do it, then at least know there’s another dummy out there trying to have it all too.
Paddling over the edge of the world,